Clogged the Drain

Nebraska is victim to Brain Drain. We, I, leave, get a kick ass education at a top tier school, and stay in whatever thriving metropolis is nearest. I have always been very conscious of this. I had the opportunity, the privilege, to go and do whatever. I’m at Sarah Lawrence (how I slipped through those cracks we will NEVER know), the liberal arts school of liberal arts schools. I am lucky. I also know that my program is two years, where I have the privilege to decide where I go after that, with *hopefully* a job on the horizon. If there isn’t a job on the horizon I have very nice parents who will let me sleep on an air mattress in their guest room, in Arizona.
Whether I was to return to my parents basement or a cute apartment by myself, I always saw myself coming home. Whether it was in May 2020 after commencement, or in 2036 when I finally convinced my Upper West Side husband to settle down in Omaha, because we can’t afford the Sacred Heart school in New York, and I will be damned before I send my girls somewhere else. They would go to the same schools I went to, and we would go to Creighton games, and go on walks around Regency and try not to step on the goose poop, and my parents would live just a few miles away, and we could see them all the time. The jarring decision of my parents emigration has taken this final fantasy away. My family will be raised elsewhere.
The grandeur of this loss I’m feeling, is not appropriate. I’m profoundly aware of this. Those of us who have had the pleasure of being raised in Omaha know that this isn’t a place, it is an entity. To both my glee and detriment, Omaha is encapsulating. Things never change here. Thank god that they don’t.
There are more practical questions I’m asking myself, do I change my license, how long do I keep my 402 area-code, if I do change my phone number how will my long lost high school crushes reach out to me? How do I make a dentist appointment when my mom has made them for me my entire life at the same place .5 miles from my house? Can I take Jacobo’s on the plane? Could I potentially make a horcrux and store it just outside of Duchesne? How do I scatter little pieces of my heart all over this city so I can’t forget it?
What I’ll miss most of all is a summer night, driving down Dodge, something horrible like Fleet Foxes is playing, and I’ve just dropped off my friends at their houses, because for some reason I always drive. The summer air goes through my hair, that’s definitely a little bit sweaty, from laughing so hard all night. I pull in my driveway, and sit in my car for just a moment longer. My hear it fullest in this place, with these people. It’s unique and beautiful.
These next 48 hours that I have to call Omaha home I hope to say thank you to all the little places that have made me. It makes me nauseous to think about. I have never loved a place so wholly. I love New York, but I know it’s trash, I saw human poop the other day. New York will never be Omaha. I’m so sorry I left in the first place. I’ve been stuck in this drain for too long, and it’s time for me to go home.

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