A year ago today, I was just wrapping up my first month in New York, just as I am wrapping up my first month in LA now. All I can say is, what the fuck is going on, weep, check my bank account, and cry some more. Just kidding!! I’m chill and VERY emotionally stable. This year has been absolutely nuts and it is really hard for me to wrap my mind around. I wish I could get cryogenically frozen just so I can relax for like 4 seconds, but unfortunately it’s too expensive and I am so afraid of science (just like our president!). To sum it all up, this last year I have been sublimely happy, and very scarily depressed. I have had jobs I’ve loved, and been treated horribly by my employers. But honestly, my heart is on fire and I feel like I’ve been in a warm hug for 365 days.
I have laughed the hardest I have ever in my entire life. I’ve become funnier, and I have met some of my best friends. I realize as I’m writing this a year ago today was my first class at UCB, thank you to that place for keeping me sane and driven in New York, and for being a soft landing cushion in my move to LA. I really hoped that my move to LA would be prompted by Mindy Kaling reading a funny tweet of mine and commissioning me to work with her on her next project OR hiring me as her nanny, but I’m here now and just a phone call away @mindykaling. But WOW the opportunities I have been given. I got to meet the loves of my life Nick Kroll AND Jason Mantzoukas. That last fact carries more weight than it probably should, but I am a mere mortal, and very desperately single. Chris Gethard looked me in the eye and told me about his hemorrhoids. I am proof that dreams really do come true.
The last year has proved that you really can do whatever you put your mind to. When I was twelve I wrote this HORRIBLE feature length screenplay, but now I get the opportunity to write equally horrible features for my career. I get to do exactly what I have always wanted to do. That is NUTS. I mean who can say that? Things aren’t perfect, obvi, I am a crazy person, but I am unbelievably lucky to try to do what I do. I feel like an earnest post is necessary because I am so grossly vapid on every form of social media, and I almost exclusively talk about my petty hardships. Moving to LA has been so hard, it does not feel like home yet, but I don’t think New York felt like home yet either at this point. I need to keep reminding myself that.
Beyond the oozing privilege in this post, this year has been hard because our country is a shit storm of stupid. I got into a fight with my grandma about abortion in a J.Crew outlet and in my head I was just like HOW DID WE GET HERE. That was the whitest moment of my previous year, other than the J. Crew sample sale I went to, or the hundreds of hours of improv I’ve done. I am so scared of this next year, I hate Trump, I hate him so much. I hate the system that made him more. I am so scared for everyone I love. If you are one of the cruel idiots who voted for this system of privilege and hate, I hope you change, I hope you find happiness within yourselves. I hope you realize how you have destroyed the lives of many. Hillary, my girl, I wish we could have done better by you. This year has been a combination of knowing when to speak up and when to be quiet. I don’t like being quiet, I am not very good at it, I have a very loud disposition.
I don’t know what else to say, I’m grateful as hell. Everyone is so special to me, I think about it all the time. I cried yesterday thinking about how proud I am of Mindy Kaling, unrelated but equally important. I’m excited for the next 365, hopefully there will be less moving and FAR less shitty bosses, but I hope for more laughing and more love and a big fat impeachment.