What are you on?


Hi, hello, little PSA, mental health is a dire problem in our society and NO ONE seems to be talking about. ESPECIALLY our government and EXTRA especially NOT my mom on Thanksgiving. So often when a mental health travesty affects a community, that loss is not brought on with the same remorse of cancer or some other disease, which are also horrible. These losses are brought with phrases like “oh what a shame”, or “you never know what’s going on in a person’s life”. We could know though, that seems to me like a pretty simple fix. Rather than hiding my depression and anxiety behind handles of karkov my first two years of college I could have just owned up to the fact that my brain was not producing enough dopamine, that it is a genetic condition, and it’s something that could be helped. LIKE UM HELLO.

Earlier this year when I went and saw Chris Gethard (the man, the myth, my dad) in Career Suicide, I was so inspired by his transparency when it comes to mental health I came home and wrote my own show about my struggle with mental health. Did I do anything with it? No. Did I tell anyone? No. All because I was afraid of how I would be judged. SO LAME. I have vowed so often to be more transparent about mental health, but I have not held myself to any standard.

Mental health is an epidemic. The fact that young kids are trying to figure out what cocktail of pills is right for them, doing electro-therapy (yes this was recommended to me), and dying from their diseases, is horrific. But if these kids are brought up in a world where it is not safe to talk about these things, how will we move forward.?

I’ve been in therapy on and off for ten years, and I’ve been taking medicine for it on and off for four. I spent six years unmedicated for a disease that was making my life a living hell. That’s not right. Then I was put on a medicine that made me gain almost fifty pounds (WHAT WHO DID THIS), and then another that made me feel like a zombie. Then I found a way to manage my hyperactive and manic tendencies (moving to New York is the cure for all with high functioning anxiety disorders), and now BY SOME MIRACLE, I’m fine. I am so lucky. I am so damn fortunate that in a few years I went from a depressive paralysis to slightly anxious. I would love to know how much is delusion, and how much is chemical. But I haven’t slept with the TV on in nine months, and that’s the first time in my life I haven’t been afraid of closing my eyes.

I don’t know why I’m better, or how long it’ll last, but all I know is that I am sick and tired of having my friends and people I love die from a disease that should not be life threatening. It breaks my heart that there in people in my life, in all of our lives who are pretending to be ok when they’re not. So, let’s take responsibility for the shit place in which we live, and make it at least a little bit better for everyone by admitting we’re all a little fucked in the head.


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